A little bit of something...

Saturday:

6am - 3pm: Up and about doing stuff and watching a DVD.

3.30pm: Coming out of shower and decide to check my email as it has been several days since I've checked the bastard. Accounts, Delete; crap delete; fic update, delete; email from Emma, freak out! Oh crap! Emma and I have both bought Trille the group present.

( Trille Free Zone. DO NOT READ! )

6.45pm: Had a lovely dinner with Trille, her parents, and Attics. It was very good. Attics left soon after and Trille and I retreated to the study so I can do her hair, which I must say, looked rather lovely. I like the flicks. She preferred the curls, but I couldn't deliver.

8pm: Guests start arriving. Lots of fun. Had more food. Enjoying the conversation. Babies started arriving and much holding of babies. Brynn is just absolutely beautiful. Somewhere along the line I get up and lose my spot, The Green Chair of Wonderfulness. Oh well, I suppose this means I have to mingle.

( Public Enemy No. 1: )

( Presents and Preludes to War! )

Oh wait! Let me first enact the cake scene.

( When the World is Puddlicious... )

After all the excitement, I make my way into the lounge room, totally ignoring the people in the dining area. Impromtu book club. Too intellectual for me tonight. Enter the lounge room, cup of tea in my hand, turn to where cupidsbow, zebra363, ascetic_hedony and Maia sitting. Oh, they are talking about writing (read: porn). Looks interesting, but no comfy chairs. And also, much too intellectual for me. Still slightly intimidated by cupidsbow's brilliance and articulate-ness. Turn to direction of sleeping baby and Sarren. Nice spot in the middle for me. Great!

Lah la la la... Discussing of craptastic movies. Much more my speed.

( Run! Kate! Run! )

Being the fantastic hostess that she is, Trille soon came over doing her waitress impersonation, notepad in hand, asking us if we would like some hot drinks.

Me: I'm good, I just made a cup.
Everyone makes their orders.

Trille comes back with first lot of drinks...
Darren: I asked for coffee. This looks like tea. *shoves cup under Scot's nose* What do you think?
Scot: Smells like coffee.
Darren: Are you sure? It doesn't look like coffee. And it tastes like tea. Well, a mixture of coffee and tea.
Trille: How's everyone's drinks?
Darren: It's great! Good tea...ummm coffee.

Half an hour later...

Trille: Any one for more tea?
Everyone: Yes please.
Trille: Jasmin?
Me: Can I have black tea, no sugar.
Attics: (sitting in front of me) I'll have some hot water.
Darren: Can I have some coffee? Um, strong?

Trille comes back with drinks.
Me: What's this? It's milky!
Trille: But you always have milk! And half a teaspoon of sugar.
Me: No! That's Attics! You made me Attics tea!
Attics: *glows* That's because she loves me!
Me: You always do that! *grump*
Darren: Oh God, this coffee is sooooo strong. I liked it better when it tasted like tea.
Trille: Damn you! Make your own drinks.

This pretty much wraps up my review of the evening. Well, except cupidsbow's special trick.

cupidsbow: I wish for Tim Tams *Tim Tams magically appears on her lap*
cupidsbow: *surprised* Oh, I may have special powers. Let me give it another shot. I wish for ice cream. Wait...good and expensive icecream. *Simmo's ice cream magically appears*
Everyone: (In awe) Oooohhhh! That's so cool!
Someone: Wish for peace on earth and good will to all men...and women.
cupidsbow: What? I'm not going to waste my wishes on something as trivial and frivolous as world peace!

Signing off,

Me.

So, what I should *really* be doing is finishing my update of SwanCon and such, but you know what? So over it.

Anyway, for those interested in the update before I lost interest:

( Read Here..Swan Con: Volume 2 - Minus the Superman Anecdotes. )

Essentially, phred_has_sonar covered Pancakes, and cricketkcricketk covered the Perth Observatory.

Now, what I *really* wanted to recap is my Birthday and Troy.

Birthday was so, so promising when I woke up...but then went down hill the minute I walked into work. Shit! Let's not go there. Don't want to talk about it as I may kill myself. However, it soon got better once Trille arrived and got me a cupcake to celebrate. She lit up some matches and I got to blow out the matches. This however lead me to discover Trille's secret pyromaniac longings. I blew out the matches, she lit some more up. Went to the pub, she lit up the matches, went to dinner, matches. Hidden arson-esque desires?

At any rate, arrived at the restaurant and admitted to everyone that I forgot to make a booking. Luckily, the manager catered to our needs and kicked some people out. Gots to love the customer service. Dinner was nice, all was good. And then...

( War Games )

Now, Troy. Sooo sooo much potential, sooo sooo, not realised! I mean, everything was there for the taking. A group of pretty pretty boys, and beautiful beautiful men, in short short skirts and much half nakedness... what could possibly have gone wrong?

Well, besides the bad script, poor direction, cheesy dialogue, wooden acting and complete deviation from the mythology/Homer's epic poem? Aside from those minor, insignificant details, everything was fantastic. Well, it was enjoyable despite me getting all ranty and irritable.

( The Ranting of Troy: SPOILER ALERT )

Last, but not least, Eurovision. I can't believe how popular the Ukraine song was. But, my personal favourite, Norway, with no votes. Norway, with the campy guy and his three fly girls. Norway with the oh so obvious non-synchronised lip-synching. Hillarious! What a riot. I'm amazed they weren't disqualified.

Signing off for the next month,

Jasmin

Notice the running theme here? No, not the toilet stories. No, not the humiliating of myself...OK, OK, there are many running themes. The one I'm talking about is me being lazy. I mean, really. I'm all bitchy and moany about not having net access and not updating etc and when I finally have access, do I update? No, I look at the computer guiltily and ignore it.

So, my very late update:

( Last Monday )

( Thursday Night )

( Friday Night )

( Saturday Afternoon )

Anyway, my Desert Island List:

1. Johnny Depp (He was on all our list)
2. Alan Rickman
3. Christina Ricci
4. Paul McDermott
5. Lucy Lui
6. Laurell K Hamilton
7. Tori Amos (Because caging Ani DiFranco would destroy her soul)
8. Wil Anderson
9. Adam Spencer
10. David Bowie

Who would be on YOUR list?

Chapter 2: 1001 Ways to Harrass Your Customer Service Person

Let me set the scene:

Scenario 1
Time: 4.30 pm
Place: Reception

special_trille enters the reception area, and D is on the phone. She decides to sit down on the chair and read our propaganda.

D: Can I help you?
special_trille: I'd get up and walk over to the counter, but I'm very comfortable where I am, so I'll shout at you instead.
D: OK, you crazy woman. Thank God we've just recently put up a glass screen that is NOT bullet proof or effective in any way when it comes to protection. What can I do for you?
special_trille: I'm here for Jasmin. Can you tell her I'm here?
D: I'll just give her a call.

D: Hey Jasmin, I've got special_trille waiting for you at the front.
Me: OK, I'll be there in 5 minutes.

Meanwhile, at the front desk...

special_trille: So, did she sound excited? Did you tell her it was me? Because *I'd* be excited if it was me. I mean, why not? I'm fabulous.
D: Yep, you're definitely a friend of Jasmin's.

As if they don't already think there's something terribly wrong with me...will now think that it's contagious.

Scenario 2
Time: 5.30 pm
Place: Libido (Although we all know that it's Barbarellas)

Me: You're new! But everything else is the same.
Porn Man: Not everything. (Porn Man looks slightly put out)
special_trille: Well, the shelves are slanty.
Me: Bah. Show me what's new, Porn Man. Wow me!

Porn Man starts showing us what he consider new and interesting and "very good" pleasure toys. After an hour...

Me: You know what? I'll come back later and buy the whip. You know, the one thing that you didn't show me.

Scenario 3
Time: 6.30 pm
Place: Restaurant

Me: We'd like a table for two.
Irish Waiter: Would like like a table inside or outside?
special_trille: Outside.
Me: But I don't want a seat in the sun. I am a creature of the night, I fear the sunlight. I burn...no wait, that's Spike.

After a few minutes looking around for a table outside, but not one where it's too sunny, we finally sit down.

Irish Waiter: What would you like to have?
Me: We'll have the $12.90 special...
special_trille: ...to share.
Irish Waiter: Would you like anything else?
Me: Could you say, "Oh Dom, you hot, fiesty little hobbit."
special_trille: Yes, dance and sing for us little monkey and we'll give you a $2 tip.
Me: Eh, the accent's all wrong. Could you repeat that...but this time, can you say it in a Scottish accent?

Five minutes later, our garlic bread and soup comes out. We have a new waitsperson. Why? Why? What could we have possibly done?

special_trille: Soup's good.
Me: Mmm.
special_trille: I'm cold.
Me: Me too.
special_trille: Do you think they'll let us change tables and eat inside?
Me: I don't know. We made a bit of a fuss with eating outside.
special_trille: Do you think they'll let us change tables and eat inside?
Me: Plus, we've already started eating.
special_trille: Do you think they'll let us change tables and eat inside?
Me: Let's ask.

Another 5 minutes of trying to catch the waitress' eye before we give up and cause a commotion. Five more minutes and we were settled inside all nice and cosy.

Scenario 3
Time: 7.55 pm
Place: Shopping Centre Carpark

Me: I'm busting. I need to go to the toilet.
special_trille: Just hold on a bit, we're almost inside.
Me: No, must go now. Bladder...weak...can't hold on much longer...
special_trille: Well, if worst comes to worst, we can buy you new underwear...
Me: Don't make me laugh...water...leak...
special_trille: ...and some Depends...

Now going down on escalator...

Me: Move, move, I need to pee...out of the way people.

Escalator full of people move aside, very much like the parting of the Read Sea. We quickly run down the escalator. Oh now! An obstacle!

Me: OUT OF MY WAY SLOW MOVING LITTLE OLD LADY!
special_trille: Um, I think she has a broken hip. See, she's hobbling as fast as she can to get out of your way.

special_trille: (To the little old lady) Sorry, she really needs to go to the toilet.
Me: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you, but I have a really weak bladder and I'm about to wet myself. You know how you need to go to the toilet, but there's no place to go, so you hold on and it's fine until you finally get to a place were there's a toilet and your bladder knows you're near and so it decides it can relax but really, you can't because if you do you'll lose all control and then it's just a big wet mess and...

special_trille notices that the little old lady is looking a little panicked...

special_trille: Umm...overshare.
Me: Oh, sorry.

We run off, pushing everyone in our path out of the way until finally, our destination. Oh the relief! (pun intended)

Scenario 4
Time: 8.30 pm
Place: Miss Maudes

Actually, we were relatively good there, except I managed to spill my drink everywhere. On the table, on my skirt, on the floor, in my shoes... Other than that, this was almost painless. Although, we did swap tables. Before the great spill. (Mind out of the gutter please)

Signing off,

Me.

Saturday turned out to be quite an eventful day. Here, let me summarise:

4.50am: Awaken by much yelling as Brother No. 2 and girlfriend try sneaking off to Queensland. Let me re-enact the scene. Albeit in the Jasmin, highly exaggerated kind of way, but you get the picture.

Brother: Quick, let's go before they notice that we're in another state.
GF: Ok, but don't you think you should let your parents know?
B: Uh...no.

B & GF try to sneak off, but unfortunately their plans are foiled by mum's insomnia.

M: Where are you two going?
B: Uh, no where, just out.
M: Care to explain the suitcase?
B: Uh...(I know, he's very articulate, runs in the family)
M: What the hell? I'm going to call your father.

With the fuss mum is making, the rest of the household awakens.

D: What's this all about? Where are you going?
B: We have to leave now or we'll miss the plane.
M: Plane? What plane? There will be no planes. What are you talking about?
B: We're going to Queensland for a week.
M&D: ?!?!? *evil glares*
B: So, anyway, Happy New Year etc etc, we have to go now.
M&D: So, when were you planning to tell us that you're heading to the Gold Coast?
B: Ha ha ha... funny thing that. I'm telling you right now.
M&D: Did you think we'd not notice your absence? What if something happened to you?
B: Well, Jasmin would have told you. In fact, I used her credit card to buy our return tickets.
Me: ???

OK, so he told me about his trip a couple of weeks ago. I had assumed the parental units also knew about this. And I also knew that they had one way tickets to QLD, and were waiting for cheap return tickets. When he asked if he could borrow the credit card, I assumed it was just for him, not the both of them. It also never occurred to me that he'd use me as a shield while he and his gf made a run for it. Bastard.

8.30am: Desperately searching the house for some drugs, any drugs to help with my headache. Can still hear my mother lecturing me in my head. PTSD.

9.00am: Given up on the drugs. PU must have hid them from me as punishment. Fed and bonded with The Boo and cleaned his litter. For such a tiny kitty, The Boo can sure crap a lot. Did some washing and had a shower.

12.00pm: After doing the domestic thingy, decided to relax a little before meeting with haunted_attics at half two. No, not to be. Just after my shower, we are inundated with well wishers and what not. Happy New Year! So, here's the thing, New Year implies that this particular day signifies the beginning of a brand new year. One day. Like January 1st. But not Chinese New Year. Oh no. That's 3 whole days. I don't get it. What, if I don't feel like that the first day of CNY was to my liking, I can chose the my NY to begin on any of the other two days?

At any rate, guests arrive, and arrive, and arrive. Me, looking frantically at my clock. Must meet haunted_attics at 2.30pm. It's already 2.20pm. Happy New Year, Happy New Year, blessings to you, wish you health, wish you wealth, now fuck off, I'm running late. Smile prettily.

3.15pm: Arriving late as per usual after calling haunted_attics and swearing that I'd be there at 3pm instead. Lies, lies, all LIES. We head off straight away, and go got pick up special_trille from her Buffy Sing-Along-Song thing. We were making good time. It was only 3.40pm when we got there, so there was much poking fun of con/fannish people even though we also participate. But it was OK, because on *this* particular day, I wasn't, and therefore, am not a participater of cons or anything fannish. See how my illogical brain works?

Actually, they were very good and the singing was in tune and it was just our (read: my) petty jealousies. And maybe, the conversation lasted for about 30 seconds and consisted of "hey, they're pretty good," but I choose to believe that we spent an hour mocking them.

4.00pm: special_trille comes out of the panel and we did the after panel bonding, in which I was told by Gina that special_trille has gone manual again.

Oh! Oh! And Gossip of the Day: Do you remember when all that Simon/Grant RPS thing was going around? Apparently there were illustrations. Psssst, pass it on.

4.30pm: Oh crap, noticed the time, called cricketk to tell her we were running late.

4.50pm: Oops, still bonding. This time, we have to leave otherwise cricketk will kick our butts.

5.10pm: Four tubs of icecream and many tastings later, remembered that I forgot to tell James about the shindig. Crap. Call him up, invited him. Oops, I forgot the onions and sour cream. Called him up 2 seconds later to ask him to bring some, but he's in the shower and leave message with his mother. Oh, look-see! A minimart. Called him up to ixnay the spring onions and sour cream. Still in shower. Leave message with mother. Oops! We forgot the alcohol, where for art thou bottleshop? Call James again, still in shower. Please note that all this takes place in the span of a minute.

Me: Could you tell James to bring alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. We need alcohol.
James' mum: OK. I sense that you are a closet alcoholic. Jasmin, are you sure this is the last message? I really need to hang out the washing now, it's beginning to smell.

5.15pm: Arrive at cricketk's. Apologies and hugs around...and oh, lots and lots of other people. Well, OK, four others. Ooops, not enough icecream to go around. We planned on one tub per person. Damnit, now we have to share. *glare spitefully at other guests* Oh, hugs, lots of hugs. Suddenly, willing to share icream. Albeit reluctantly. Watched deleted scenes from PotC, went outside to cool down while the rest watched the movie and cricketk slaved away in the kitchen. Felt slightly guilty for being outside considering that this was my shindig and I invited myself over to cricketk's and expected her to feed us, then arrive over an hour late. So, after dinner, I washed up. Penance and all. After dinner, icecream was enjoyed by all.

8.30pm: Woo Hoo! Karaoke Queens. We rock, we sing brilliantly, we are fantastic! Bow to us and worship our musical genius! And then the music starts and uh-oh, we don't actually know this song, only the chorus. Amazingly enough, we knew everyone else's song. Just not our own. Table No.5! Yay! Our turn! La la la la la...mumble mumble mumble...complete silence...Oh! chorus!...sing loudly... This set the trend for the rest of the night.

Now, I love Karaoke, and I love Seoul. It's because it's the only Karaoke bar where there are only crap singers. Until tonight! Suddenly, many many people who can sing rock up. Table No.7...oooh, he was good! Bar's been raised. Table No.11...oh my god, he's fabulous. Bar's raised even higher! Table No.5...ok, that's lowered the bar so that even midgets can get over. PS, not a slight to midgets, as am one myself. Well, almost. Am exceedingly short. So much so that I think hobbits are tall. Anyway, tangent.

At any rate, much fun was had and we did go out with a bang. Finally, a song we knew and could screech sing to: Smells Like Teen Spirit. Thank you, Nirvana.

Oh, forgot to mention, special_trille met up with a school friend who actually got a job out of the course. He's a camera man. Not as impressed after I realised job was for the news and not some underground hard core porno ring. Pity. special_trille, after such a well received review of her magical performance (pretty much only from myself and haunted_attics, and seriously, we're easily amused), decided to take her act on the road. Or more specifically, to the table behind us.

She came back, tail between her leg...or possibly that could have been her vibrat...*ahem* clears throat*ahem*, and completely lost for words.

special_trille: I showed them my magic trick.
Me: So, how did it go?
special_trille: They didn't like it.
Me: They didn't like it? How is it possible. Tell me all about it.
special_trille: I showed them the trick. There was awkward pauses and complete silence followed by much mocking.
Me: There was mockage? *much laughter from me, very little empathy*
special_trille: Yes, very much mockage. Jasmin, go show them your trick.
Me: No.
special_trille: Go on.
Me: No.

This 'yes'/'no' thing goes on for about 5 minutes

special_trille: Go on, please.
Me: No. People mock me enough.
special_trille: So you're immune to the embarrassment and humiliation.
Me: Regardless, I will not go over there. You do it.
special_trille: Fine.

special_trille walks over to the group, does my trick, comes back

Me: So, how did it go?
special_trille: I showed them the trick. There was awkward pauses and complete silence followed by much mocking.
Me: *much laughter from me, so much so I almost fall off my chair*

Signing off,

Me.