mr_booboo: (Default)
( Jan. 20th, 2009 12:02 am)
[livejournal.com profile] luke27181 has finally broke down and joined LJ.

Friend him quickly before he runs away.

Tags:
Happy Birthday [profile] special_trille !

Enjoy your day sweetness and I'll see you tonight... Step 1...
Tags:
mr_booboo: (Default)
( Jun. 7th, 2008 10:25 am)
Dad is as happy as a pig in mud.

Mum has been wanting a mobile phone for a while ever since her last few emergencies. Dad has been promising her a cheapo phone for just as long but nothing came of it. Last night she complained again and I decided to give her my new Nokia phone (the free one I was given when I signed up with Virgin).

Dad saw the phone and it was instant lust. He generously gave mum his old clunker claiming it was easier to use. She didn't care because she doesn't really need it except for emergencies. Dad was delirious with all the new functionalities of the Nokia.

D: Oh look, a camera *snap snap snap*
Me: *reaches for phone* Yeah, it's pretty good and you can zoom in and out like...
D: *slap hand away* My phone!
D: Oooohhh, GPS! It's broken. It doesn't work.
Me: It's not broken. We're inside the house and not moving.
D: Field Trip!

And off we went on a little trip to KFC Subiaco.

Only this morning did he notice his contacts list was missing. Minor details. Luckily they were all in his directory and could be copied over.

Oi!

On other news, [profile] special_trille and I had an amazing time in Canberra with [profile] haunted_attics and our fabulous hostess [personal profile] isilya. Our accommodation was five stars (except the pillows - only 4.5 stars) and the food, oh, the fabulous food! The company, as always brilliant. Attic's housemates who were wonderful and Isilya's neighbours who were a riot. Thank you both for making our stay so amazing.

We went to see The Audreys play at the ANU Bar. Fantastic performance, crap venue and people (at the back - front people were brilliant). We also went to see the Turner to Monet exhibition at the National Art Gallery. I fell in love with the Luce and the Van Gogh's "Tree Trunks in the Grass". For reals, I’ve seen the painting before as a print and didn’t care for it, but to see it in real life, the colours are so rich you can’t take your eyes off it.

The rest of our stay was spent eating. On Sunday we started with muffins for breakfast and a pot of tea. We went to the markets  and had more food (tastings - we stayed for hours sampling the food) and then went back to Attics place to drink ginger wine, eat flavoured macadamia nuts and then gorged ourselves with  the most amazing spicy pork ribs and a lemon delicious for dessert. The next day we had breakfast which became an antipasto lunch of bagels, trout spread, spicy salsa dip, cummin flavoured cheese and olives. We played with the Wii for a bit and then it was dinner with pesto and parmesan chicken breasts and lemon baked potatoes and salad. We played a wicked game of UNO and then had supper of cracker thins and pate and more of the salsa dip.

I'm not going to bore you with other foods we ate because we ate. A LOT. OMG! And everything was so delicious.  So again, thank you ladies for the company and the food.
mr_booboo: (Kitty)
( May. 19th, 2008 01:23 pm)
"A" from work has found an abandoned kitty. She (possibly a he, but A can't find it's bits, so very likely a she) is maybe 2-3 months old and is able to lap and eat of a plate.

She's a cute little mite and is tortoise shell with white, black and orange spots (soooo cute!). Very affectionate and loves attention. But you know, who doesn't? If any one is willing and able to give her a home, please pop me an email.
Tags:
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY [profile] cricketk!

I hope you had a brilliant day.
Tags:
mr_booboo: (Default)
( Feb. 10th, 2008 07:28 am)
FNL to be scheduled at my place, Sunday, 17 Feb. Is 2pm good with everyone?

The last episode for the year just aired, so we can keep watching at 2 episodes at a time or we can blow it and splurge, making up for the last 2 weeks.
Tags:
mr_booboo: (Default)
( Jan. 1st, 2008 05:34 pm)
Happy New Year Flist!

Best wishes, health, weath and prosperity for 2008.

What have I been doing? Nothing. Just enjoyed pancakes with samvara and maharetr and then helped with the chopping of M's hair. Looks fab. And then, I went hope and facebooked.

*gasp*

I feel dirty. It's like I'm cheating on LJ.
Tags:
Met Trille at Exomod for coffee yesterday and almost had a minor heart attack.

Trille: I heart money long time!
Me: Me too! I heart it so much I want to marry it.
Trille: Yeah, but money doesn't heart you back. It hearts ME!
*shows me her account*
Me: You've got tenty billion dollars! Buy me something pretty!
Trille: This is why money broked up with you. *scornful face*
Me: *sulk*
Trille: I was doing my budget and this is how much I earn and how much I spend and how much I save and I'm thinking about being all frugal next year and spending nuncy-hundred dollars so I can save tenty billion more dollars. Want to save tenty billion dollars with me? I can teach you.
Me: *sulk* I have $23 in my bank account. I like to spending money. I can save maybe 2 dollars.
*glares*
Me: *sits and does mini budget*
Me: OMG! My calculations show I should have tenty hundred dollars! WTF?
*4 hours later*
Me: WAIT! I used it pay for my trip next year. No, that's not right. I called in my loan.

I won't lie to you. I have been worried about this all night and have not slept well worring where my money disappeared to. At about 6 this morning, I finally remembered.

* I went to Melbourne and Sydney this year.
* I completely paid of my credit card debt. Tragically, the festive season has broken me again.
* I had a LOT of dental work earlier this year which costed a fortune.

I feel sooooo much better now that I have accounted for my missing money.

Note to self: never do quickie budget estimates. Sit down with your files and do a proper audit of your spendings.

New year's resolution: Prepare official budget and follow it. Will learn to save money properly like an adult, damn it!
Tags:
mr_booboo: (Default)
( Sep. 13th, 2007 06:50 pm)
Trille and I have not seen you in a very long time. Every time we call you, we get your voice mail. We are very hurt by this snubbing and therefore formally request some time spent with you, preferably somewhere with either books or coffee or both. Food is optional.

Sincerely,

Boo.
Tags:
Hugs, kisses and many special wishes. Have a fantastic day bubs.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY [profile] special_trille
Tags:
mr_booboo: (Default)
( Jun. 27th, 2007 11:36 pm)
The bad news is we suck at Pride Quiz Nights.

The good news is we rock at winning random stuff. Sure, they had a announce it three or four times before we realised we won something, but we eventually responded. Cricket, sarren and J, I have your VIP discount cards.
Tags:
This could *NOT* happen at a worse time.

My loan approval came through, I just paid for my plane tickets and then instead of a simple filling, I get caught with a fucking root canal and crown instead.

Me: I need a filling.
Dentist: La la la la la (drill). Root canal. Come back next week for the crown.
Me: Huh?
Dentist: That'll be $350 today and $2000 next week.
Me: WTF?!?!
Dentist: Oh, do you have health insurance? They cover some of the cost.
Me: What happened to the filling?
Dentist: Ha ha...I can give you a $100 discount. How about that?
Me: ...
Dentist: I'm sure we can work out a payment plan. You can pay me a thousand next week and the other thousand the week after.
Me: *burst in to tears*
Dentist: Look, look, we can work this out OK?

So, anyone interested in buying a kidney? A lung?
mr_booboo: (Default)
( May. 3rd, 2007 10:44 am)
Peoples, my birthday is coming up again and I'm planning on having dinner at Maya Masala (the new one on James St) on Friday, 11 May.

It's BYO and I would love for anyone who can make it to pop in and have dinner with me. I know it's short notice, but you should know I completely suck at organising now that I've lost my personal slave.

If you're interested in having dinner and drinks, please pop me a comment by Monday so I can make a booking.

Hm, forgot to mention it is after work around 5ish.
Tags:
mr_booboo: (Default)
( Mar. 17th, 2007 11:17 am)
I had visitors this morning. Yay!

[livejournal.com profile] cricketk, [livejournal.com profile] grouchiegrrl and boy came over for visits after some crazy exercising. It was lovely. We had tea, pastry and gossip. And then I forced grouchieboy to look after the shop while gg and I did laundry.

I hope they come for visits again soon.
Tags:
mr_booboo: (Maniac)
( Feb. 27th, 2007 06:53 pm)
Neighbour (of the obnoxious loud sex) has progressed to mooing and laughing.

Gah! Can I not get any sleep people!?!
Tags:
mr_booboo: (Default)
( Feb. 17th, 2007 03:33 pm)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY [livejournal.com profile] haunted_attics!

And happy new year!
Tags:
mr_booboo: (Default)
( Jan. 28th, 2007 09:50 pm)
Can I please have my seagate back?

I'm in dire straits at the moment. I am in need of space. OMG, I can't believe I've run out of space. I need to get me another hard drive. Can you bring it with you? I'll ask darksquire to pick it up for me. Thanks heaps.
Tags:
mr_booboo: (Default)
( Dec. 29th, 2006 02:07 pm)
What's everyone doing NYE?

I have an engagement and 2 parties which I want to ditch so I can sleep. Then I received a threatening phone call because the Noodle dobbed me in, so I have to go to the engagement party.

BUT, after that I kinda want to chill. Is anyone interested in going to the beach for eats amd plays? If yes, can I come? If no, oh well.
Tags:
:::shivers:::

Tuesday is my favourite.
Tags:
mr_booboo: (Default)
( Jul. 12th, 2004 08:00 am)
Saturday:

6am - 3pm: Up and about doing stuff and watching a DVD.

3.30pm: Coming out of shower and decide to check my email as it has been several days since I've checked the bastard. Accounts, Delete; crap delete; fic update, delete; email from Emma, freak out! Oh crap! Emma and I have both bought Trille the group present.

Trille Free Zone. DO NOT READ! )

6.45pm: Had a lovely dinner with Trille, her parents, and Attics. It was very good. Attics left soon after and Trille and I retreated to the study so I can do her hair, which I must say, looked rather lovely. I like the flicks. She preferred the curls, but I couldn't deliver.

8pm: Guests start arriving. Lots of fun. Had more food. Enjoying the conversation. Babies started arriving and much holding of babies. Brynn is just absolutely beautiful. Somewhere along the line I get up and lose my spot, The Green Chair of Wonderfulness. Oh well, I suppose this means I have to mingle.

Public Enemy No. 1: )

Presents and Preludes to War! )

Oh wait! Let me first enact the cake scene.

When the World is Puddlicious... )

After all the excitement, I make my way into the lounge room, totally ignoring the people in the dining area. Impromtu book club. Too intellectual for me tonight. Enter the lounge room, cup of tea in my hand, turn to where [livejournal.com profile] cupidsbow, [livejournal.com profile] zebra363, [livejournal.com profile] ascetic_hedony and Maia sitting. Oh, they are talking about writing (read: porn). Looks interesting, but no comfy chairs. And also, much too intellectual for me. Still slightly intimidated by [livejournal.com profile] cupidsbow's brilliance and articulate-ness. Turn to direction of sleeping baby and Sarren. Nice spot in the middle for me. Great!

Lah la la la... Discussing of craptastic movies. Much more my speed.

Run! Kate! Run! )

Being the fantastic hostess that she is, Trille soon came over doing her waitress impersonation, notepad in hand, asking us if we would like some hot drinks.

Me: I'm good, I just made a cup.
Everyone makes their orders.

Trille comes back with first lot of drinks...
Darren: I asked for coffee. This looks like tea. *shoves cup under Scot's nose* What do you think?
Scot: Smells like coffee.
Darren: Are you sure? It doesn't look like coffee. And it tastes like tea. Well, a mixture of coffee and tea.
Trille: How's everyone's drinks?
Darren: It's great! Good tea...ummm coffee.

Half an hour later...

Trille: Any one for more tea?
Everyone: Yes please.
Trille: Jasmin?
Me: Can I have black tea, no sugar.
Attics: (sitting in front of me) I'll have some hot water.
Darren: Can I have some coffee? Um, strong?

Trille comes back with drinks.
Me: What's this? It's milky!
Trille: But you always have milk! And half a teaspoon of sugar.
Me: No! That's Attics! You made me Attics tea!
Attics: *glows* That's because she loves me!
Me: You always do that! *grump*
Darren: Oh God, this coffee is sooooo strong. I liked it better when it tasted like tea.
Trille: Damn you! Make your own drinks.

This pretty much wraps up my review of the evening. Well, except [livejournal.com profile] cupidsbow's special trick.

[livejournal.com profile] cupidsbow: I wish for Tim Tams *Tim Tams magically appears on her lap*
[livejournal.com profile] cupidsbow: *surprised* Oh, I may have special powers. Let me give it another shot. I wish for ice cream. Wait...good and expensive icecream. *Simmo's ice cream magically appears*
Everyone: (In awe) Oooohhhh! That's so cool!
Someone: Wish for peace on earth and good will to all men...and women.
[livejournal.com profile] cupidsbow: What? I'm not going to waste my wishes on something as trivial and frivolous as world peace!

Signing off,

Me.
So, last week, Wednesday to be precise, I get a phone call from the Cat Haven telling me that they may have found The Boo. All excited, I take an extended lunch and drive to the CH to have a look-see. D, the cat lady brings him out and automatically, I know it isn't The Boo.

Pretty sure I mentioned the Boo was a ginger tabby. With white paws and white belly. This cat? All ginger. No white. Pretty sure I also mentioned that Boo was a skinny little runt. And only 6 months old. This cat, he's a fatty and between 9 - 12 months. So yeah, could tell this is not my kitty-kat.

Still, he's adorable and loveable and all attention seeking. Got me at an extremely weak moment. So I hug him and play with him and hug him some more. Then D says: Well, you know, he's got the cat flu, so if we don't find his owner, we'll have to put him down.

What?!? I just spent the last 15 minutes bonding with this cat. I tell her that if the owner doesn't come, give me a call and I'll adopt him. The next day, I get the call. I have a brand spanking new cat. I pay for his medical bills etc... and B brings Oskar (that was what I decided to call him) home and look after him.

I'm pretty much in contact with B practically every day now.

Then she calls me this morning to tell me that Oskar is very sick and that she'd never seen a cat so sick and maybe we should put him down. I was a little reluctant but hey, if he's suffering and not getting better, maybe it's for the best.

We decide to let the vet have one last look at him and we'll make a decision tomorrow. It then occurs to her that I've paid a fortune and at the end of the day, come home catless. So she asks me if I'm interested in getting another cat.

I ask you? Would you trust me with the welfare of another cat??? One's gone missing and the other one is on his death bed because I hugged him! I don't think this is a good idea lady.

Anyway, on to other news.

Dad returned to Australia on Sunday bearing gifts. He was very proud of himself. It was quite a debacle, alas, he finally did something right. Last week, before he went to Vietnam, I asked him to buy me some perfume from Duty Free. Not trusting him, I gave him the perfume box. Except he forgot to put it away. At any rate, he calls on Tuesday to tell me this.

Dad: (In Vietnamese) I lost the perfume box. What was it called again?
Me: (In English) Givenchy. Very Irresistible.
Dad: What?
Me: Do you have a pen and paper? I'll spell it out for you.

At this point, I should let you all know that the last time I asked him to buy me perfume, he heard something else all together and just remembered that the perfume bottle was green and had a pink lid. As far as he was concerned, the perfume he finally got was close enough. It was green with a white lid. Let's just ignore the fact that the perfume was completely different. Still, it WAS a green perfume bottle. But, I digress...

Me: Do you have a pen and paper?
Dad: Huh?
Me: Pen and paper.
Dad: What?
Me: For God's sake man, you've only been out of the country for three days! Surely you can't possibly have forgotten how to speak english!
Dad: ???
Me: (In Vietnamese) Pen. Paper.
Dad: Oh, oh, hold on, let me go get some.
Me: Givenchy. G - I -V - E - N - C - H - Y. Very Irresistible.
Dad: What? Veyzistibel? That's not a word. Spell that.
Me: V - E - R - Y I - R - R - E...
Dad: Very? That's not a word. I've never heard of it. Use it in a sentence.

Now, I'm getting really agitated and almost hang up on him. I tell him not to worry. I'll send him an email.

Knowing my father, I decide to take it a step further. I find a picture on the internet and paste it to the email and send it off. Now, I should mention that my dad has a Yahoo account. Obviously, it would be very convenient for me to send him an email to his Yahoo account.

Not quite so Obvious. I get a call on Thursday. He's been sitting around waiting for my email.

Me: What do you mean? I sent it on Tuesday.
Dad: No, I've been checking your uncle's account and nothing.
Me: Did it ever occur to you to check *your* account?
Dad: Well I can't can I? I'm not at home.

Meanwhile, my mother has been waiting with baited breath for dad's emails, that he sends from my uncle's account to their yahoo account. It justs gets more ridiculous. She comes across the email I sent dad and tells me that she realised I accidently sent it to the wrong account, so she deleted it.

Now, I completely lose it.

Me: (Much shouting) IT'S A YAHOO ACCOUNT! YOU CAN ACCESS IT ANYWHERE!

The good news is, I did manage to resend the email. To my uncle's address because he still didn't get the concept of free international crappy spam filled accounts. After all that drama, he finally got me the perfume I want. And then he says:

Dad: I got you two bottles. It was expensive. Almost $92 a bottle. Luckily, it was buy one get the other one half price and you get a free bag. But I managed to get two bags instead.
Me: So really, it wasn't $92 a bottle then. It was only $69 a bottle.
Dad: No, it was $92 each, but you buy one and get one free.
Me: Yeah, $69 each.
Dad: No, I told you!
Me: Fine whatever. Thanks for the gift.
Dad: It's OK, you owe me $184 for the perfume.
Me: ?!?!?

Signing off,

Me.
mr_booboo: (Default)
( May. 17th, 2004 10:30 pm)
So, what I should *really* be doing is finishing my update of SwanCon and such, but you know what? So over it.

Anyway, for those interested in the update before I lost interest:

Read Here..Swan Con: Volume 2 - Minus the Superman Anecdotes. )

Essentially, [livejournal.com profile] phred_has_sonar covered Pancakes, and cricketk[livejournal.com profile] cricketk covered the Perth Observatory.

Now, what I *really* wanted to recap is my Birthday and Troy.

Birthday was so, so promising when I woke up...but then went down hill the minute I walked into work. Shit! Let's not go there. Don't want to talk about it as I may kill myself. However, it soon got better once Trille arrived and got me a cupcake to celebrate. She lit up some matches and I got to blow out the matches. This however lead me to discover Trille's secret pyromaniac longings. I blew out the matches, she lit some more up. Went to the pub, she lit up the matches, went to dinner, matches. Hidden arson-esque desires?

At any rate, arrived at the restaurant and admitted to everyone that I forgot to make a booking. Luckily, the manager catered to our needs and kicked some people out. Gots to love the customer service. Dinner was nice, all was good. And then...

War Games )

Now, Troy. Sooo sooo much potential, sooo sooo, not realised! I mean, everything was there for the taking. A group of pretty pretty boys, and beautiful beautiful men, in short short skirts and much half nakedness... what could possibly have gone wrong?

Well, besides the bad script, poor direction, cheesy dialogue, wooden acting and complete deviation from the mythology/Homer's epic poem? Aside from those minor, insignificant details, everything was fantastic. Well, it was enjoyable despite me getting all ranty and irritable.

The Ranting of Troy: SPOILER ALERT )

Last, but not least, Eurovision. I can't believe how popular the Ukraine song was. But, my personal favourite, Norway, with no votes. Norway, with the campy guy and his three fly girls. Norway with the oh so obvious non-synchronised lip-synching. Hillarious! What a riot. I'm amazed they weren't disqualified.

Signing off for the next month,

Jasmin
So, I stalk people, shall I update? NO.

But read all about it here...

And then I spend the weekend at SwanCon. Do I update? Nope. I mean, we meet someone new, but do I acknowledge [livejournal.com profile] psycho_tabby? Uh-uh! :::shakes head vigorously:::

No, I'm too bloody lazy.


Somebody, I'm not going to mention who, *cough*[livejournal.com profile] special_trille*cough*, suggested that I used too many bolds, italics and underlines. So, I'm going to attempt to use it less in my posts. Well, this one at the very least.

Anyway, Swancon (did you like that?), otherwise known as "My decadent experience at the Parmelia Hilton" was absolutely lovely. It was less about the Sci-fi/Fantasy convention and more about me, being all lazy and spoilt. My favourite thing about the weekend was :

1. Live Action Quidditch (Suddenly, I'm all sporty and healthy-like...or maybe it's the violence)
2. Living in the lap of luxury, eating out, using the pool and sauna, getting spoilt...
3. Spending a lot of money.

Anyway, updates:

At the Beginning.. )

Friday Night Specials )

Am too lazy to finish the story. Part 2 coming up soon. Will tell of adventures on Saturday, Sunday and Monday.

Part 3 will probably arrive in 2 weeks and cover Pancakes, Room 19, and UNO.

Part 4 will be about a month later and will discuss Perth Observatory and my K's and my birthday.

Am now a payroll officer and have no life so updates should be pretty steady. Unless I kill myself, which *is* still a possibility.
mr_booboo: (Smirk)
( Apr. 5th, 2004 11:43 pm)
Notice the running theme here? No, not the toilet stories. No, not the humiliating of myself...OK, OK, there are many running themes. The one I'm talking about is me being lazy. I mean, really. I'm all bitchy and moany about not having net access and not updating etc and when I finally have access, do I update? No, I look at the computer guiltily and ignore it.

So, my very late update:

Last Monday )

Thursday Night )

Friday Night )

Saturday Afternoon )

Anyway, my Desert Island List:

1. Johnny Depp (He was on all our list)
2. Alan Rickman
3. Christina Ricci
4. Paul McDermott
5. Lucy Lui
6. Laurell K Hamilton
7. Tori Amos (Because caging Ani DiFranco would destroy her soul)
8. Wil Anderson
9. Adam Spencer
10. David Bowie

Who would be on YOUR list?
After a traumatic work training session today, I went to pick up [livejournal.com profile] special_trille. We were supposed to go to Sunset to see Peter Pan, but she completely bailed.

*cough*

*cough*

[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: I so sick. I is not wanting to go. So cold... *cough*

I'd believe it more if [livejournal.com profile] special_trille wasn't up til the wee hours of the morning LJing the night before.

I'm so messing with you. She looked like crap and was very sickly. Case in point:

Me, wearing a red shirt. Am hot and stinky. Decided to change into my David Bowie T-Shirt. Am sitting right next to The Trille on the couch. Take of my red shirt, put on my blue shirt. I turn to her and...

Me: What happened to my bag?
The Trille: Oh, I moved it so I could sit down.
Me: Pass me the bag please. Want to put my shirt away.
The Trille: Oh, OK.

5 minutes later...

The Trille: Hey, you've got a new shirt on. When did this happen?

At any rate, I make it to Burswood, but [livejournal.com profile] haunted_attics is already inside, setting up a place for us. I walk around like a headless chook searching for her and am about to call her mobile when I notice a familiar shaped blob. I call her name and she's all: "Oh, I didn't see you there."

This unfortunately sets the tone for the rest of the evening.

Me: I'm thirsty.
[livejournal.com profile] haunted_attics: Oops, I forgot to bring water.
Me: 'So Kay. I'll go buy a drink. Want anything.
[livejournal.com profile] haunted_attics: Nope, I'm fine. I have my coffee.

Five minutes later, have lost my way in the dark.

Me: Michelle? Shell? Mish? *whimpers pathetically*
[livejournal.com profile] haunted_attics: Over here.
Me: Oh, good. Thank God!

An hour into the movie...

Me: Need to go pee.
[livejournal.com profile] haunted_attics: Toilet's outside on the right.
Me: OK.

Five minutes later...

Me: Oh shit...I'n never going to find her...

Me randomly wandering around the place for a good 10 minutes. Finally give up and decided to just walk in the middle and block the screen, waiting to be claimed.

Me: I'm so sorry. I can't find my spot.
Complete Stranger No. 1: I think you're back that way.
Me: Oh, thanks. La la la la la...Oh, sorry, I'm lost. I'm trying to find my spot.
Complete Stranger No. 2: That's OK. I think it's back a little to further and to the right.
Me: Ta.

Another few minutes...

Complete Stranger No. 3 & 4: Hey, it's OK little lost girl, you're our neighbour. You sit just over there.
Me: *relieved* Thanks.

Climb over my lovely neighbours and see [livejournal.com profile] haunted_attics rolling on the blanket laughing uncontrollably.
[livejournal.com profile] haunted_attics: So, did you meet any new friends?

You'd think after seeing me walking around like a complete idiot, she's at least call me, but no, she just watches. Apparently, she claims to have yelled out my name, but I doubt that. She was to busy laughing for any Jasmin rescuing to be done.

Anyway, movie: fun. Was too tired to go to Dani's party. I'm such a terrible friend.

Below is a post from 2 weeks ago that I started but was too lazy to finish. Basically, it's about a meeting that was long and tedious and how I got yelled at constantly that entire day. Unfortunately, I never finished the tale, so briefly:

Friday: Meeting - crap. Went to meet up with [livejournal.com profile] ascetic_hedony but missed him as he was waiting one side of the road, me on the other side. Went to sex shop to buy dog collar and show him my riding crop. Went to pharmacy and got yelled at for trying on cheap $2 nail polish. Went for ice cream.

Saturday: Can't remember, it was 2 weeks ago.

Sunday: Naughty or nice party, AKA Jen's 40th. Went to Woman to Woman for [livejournal.com profile] haunted_attics' birthday. Lovely. Very much liked Libby Hammer and Natalie Gillespi (sp?).

Last Friday: Dinner with Sue and The Trille, and then drinks with Sue and Viviane. Very expensive night. Ate way too much.

Last Sat: Work and then over to [livejournal.com profile] haunted_attics' place to watch Firefly. Am sooooo in love with Firefly. Love all the major characters, which is very rare. Love all the het couplings.

Last Sunday: Quiz and then more Firefly.

Last Tuesday: Enterprise watching over at [livejournal.com profile] sarren's. Enjoyable.

So, am up to date, and hopefully will not let things get so bad in the future.

Meanwhile, back to me wenching on about Friday a fortnight ago:

Friday:

So, I had every intentions of getting quite a bit of work done today. I was just getting into it when I was told we had a meeting for all HR/IT Corporate Services staff. In fact, I was busy and not chatty or disrupting anyone for two whole hours. Suddenely, I hear everyone telling me to hurry to the meeting. I'm all: "Is it compulsory?"

My immediate boss tells me that I have to be at this meeting as it is important. Let me tell you how important it was.

Convenor Let me do a 10 minute introduction and tell you nothing else. Oh, we have 4 other speakers.
Speakker 1: I really have nothing to say. Let me just spend half an hour "updating" you on what we've been doing since our last meeting - which is nothing. Oh, OK. Then let me just waste another 15 minutes of your valuable time and my own telling you lies about how wonderful you all are and how effective and efficient we are even though we are understaffed, overworked and completely falling apart by the seams. Questions? No? Yay, I get to leave because I'm important but you all have to stay. Hahahahahaha....
Speaker 2: Let me parrot everything Speaker 1 has just said in about the same amount of time, except I'm going to use different words and say it my way. Questions? No? Good. I too am very important and am allowed to leave.
Speaker 3: I am highly amusing but you will find me difficult to understand so pay attention. I'm here to provide you with encouragement and whisper words of joy and love. Rainbows. Puppies. Fun. Yes, I know, it's not really relevant, but isn't my speech way more interesting than the other two? Questions? No? Great. On to Speaker 4.
Speaker 4: Hey hey people. I am the main event. Me, I am the one you've all been waiting for. I will now tell you what we've all decided since December. Lots and lots of people are going to lose their jobs, but don't worry, the system will be better. We're taking up about 10 times more work, getting rid of more people, but aren't we clever, we've found a way of cutting costs and yet we plan to be more efficient. Unfortunately, we haven't worked out all the glitches yet...or for that matter how we're going to accomplish that. We're going to mess with all of you and 2 other clusters because we're afraid to touch Health and Education. They're very big and messy and scarey. But don't worry, we still have another 15 months before implementation. Questions?

Yeah, so that's about it.

Signing off,

Me.

PS, not really horny. Just wanted to see the icon.
mr_booboo: (Default)
( Mar. 5th, 2004 12:18 am)
Chapter 2: 1001 Ways to Harrass Your Customer Service Person

Let me set the scene:

Scenario 1
Time: 4.30 pm
Place: Reception


[livejournal.com profile] special_trille enters the reception area, and D is on the phone. She decides to sit down on the chair and read our propaganda.

D: Can I help you?
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: I'd get up and walk over to the counter, but I'm very comfortable where I am, so I'll shout at you instead.
D: OK, you crazy woman. Thank God we've just recently put up a glass screen that is NOT bullet proof or effective in any way when it comes to protection. What can I do for you?
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: I'm here for Jasmin. Can you tell her I'm here?
D: I'll just give her a call.

D: Hey Jasmin, I've got [livejournal.com profile] special_trille waiting for you at the front.
Me: OK, I'll be there in 5 minutes.

Meanwhile, at the front desk...

[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: So, did she sound excited? Did you tell her it was me? Because *I'd* be excited if it was me. I mean, why not? I'm fabulous.
D: Yep, you're definitely a friend of Jasmin's.

As if they don't already think there's something terribly wrong with me...will now think that it's contagious.

Scenario 2
Time: 5.30 pm
Place: Libido (Although we all know that it's Barbarellas)


Me: You're new! But everything else is the same.
Porn Man: Not everything. (Porn Man looks slightly put out)
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Well, the shelves are slanty.
Me: Bah. Show me what's new, Porn Man. Wow me!

Porn Man starts showing us what he consider new and interesting and "very good" pleasure toys. After an hour...

Me: You know what? I'll come back later and buy the whip. You know, the one thing that you didn't show me.

Scenario 3
Time: 6.30 pm
Place: Restaurant


Me: We'd like a table for two.
Irish Waiter: Would like like a table inside or outside?
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Outside.
Me: But I don't want a seat in the sun. I am a creature of the night, I fear the sunlight. I burn...no wait, that's Spike.

After a few minutes looking around for a table outside, but not one where it's too sunny, we finally sit down.

Irish Waiter: What would you like to have?
Me: We'll have the $12.90 special...
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: ...to share.
Irish Waiter: Would you like anything else?
Me: Could you say, "Oh Dom, you hot, fiesty little hobbit."
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Yes, dance and sing for us little monkey and we'll give you a $2 tip.
Me: Eh, the accent's all wrong. Could you repeat that...but this time, can you say it in a Scottish accent?

Five minutes later, our garlic bread and soup comes out. We have a new waitsperson. Why? Why? What could we have possibly done?

[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Soup's good.
Me: Mmm.
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: I'm cold.
Me: Me too.
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Do you think they'll let us change tables and eat inside?
Me: I don't know. We made a bit of a fuss with eating outside.
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Do you think they'll let us change tables and eat inside?
Me: Plus, we've already started eating.
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Do you think they'll let us change tables and eat inside?
Me: Let's ask.

Another 5 minutes of trying to catch the waitress' eye before we give up and cause a commotion. Five more minutes and we were settled inside all nice and cosy.

Scenario 3
Time: 7.55 pm
Place: Shopping Centre Carpark


Me: I'm busting. I need to go to the toilet.
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Just hold on a bit, we're almost inside.
Me: No, must go now. Bladder...weak...can't hold on much longer...
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Well, if worst comes to worst, we can buy you new underwear...
Me: Don't make me laugh...water...leak...
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: ...and some Depends...

Now going down on escalator...

Me: Move, move, I need to pee...out of the way people.

Escalator full of people move aside, very much like the parting of the Read Sea. We quickly run down the escalator. Oh now! An obstacle!

Me: OUT OF MY WAY SLOW MOVING LITTLE OLD LADY!
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Um, I think she has a broken hip. See, she's hobbling as fast as she can to get out of your way.

[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: (To the little old lady) Sorry, she really needs to go to the toilet.
Me: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you, but I have a really weak bladder and I'm about to wet myself. You know how you need to go to the toilet, but there's no place to go, so you hold on and it's fine until you finally get to a place were there's a toilet and your bladder knows you're near and so it decides it can relax but really, you can't because if you do you'll lose all control and then it's just a big wet mess and...

[livejournal.com profile] special_trille notices that the little old lady is looking a little panicked...

[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Umm...overshare.
Me: Oh, sorry.

We run off, pushing everyone in our path out of the way until finally, our destination. Oh the relief! (pun intended)

Scenario 4
Time: 8.30 pm
Place: Miss Maudes


Actually, we were relatively good there, except I managed to spill my drink everywhere. On the table, on my skirt, on the floor, in my shoes... Other than that, this was almost painless. Although, we did swap tables. Before the great spill. (Mind out of the gutter please)

Signing off,

Me.
Friday Night:

Dinner, Angriest Video Store Clerk in the World 2, dessert. Short and sweet...and very very slashy. All in all, a good time was had by me. Did I mention SLASHY??? I could tell more, but I'm sure [livejournal.com profile] sarren and [livejournal.com profile] haunted_attics have already written about it. I will say though, they soooo sold out, with all that high tech special effects and the catering to the masses. But, the Bond song was fantastic.

Saturday Night:

[livejournal.com profile] special_trille's Fellowship Extravaganza hosted at [livejournal.com profile] cricketk's home away from home. But first, let me re-enact a few scenes from that day.

[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Can you pick up [livejournal.com profile] cupidsbow?
Me: Sure.
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Here's her address.
Me: Yep, looks easy enough.

Quickly glimpses at road map, and head off to pick up [livejournal.com profile] cupidsbow

La la la la la...An hour later, driving aimlessly around the area and still NOT stopping to check the road map, I accidentally find her house. So, here's how the conversation in the car went:

[livejournal.com profile] cupidsbow: Hi, thanks for picking me up.
Me: That's ok.
[livejournal.com profile] cupidsbow: What have you been doing today?
Me: Rolling around in bed and reading. You?
[livejournal.com profile] cupidsbow: Me too. What were you reading?
Me: Dodgy romance novel and some Choose Your Own Adventure books I just bought at St Vinnies for 20 c. What about you?
[livejournal.com profile] cupidsbow: Something clever and interesting
Me: Oh. Let's talk about *your* book.
[livejournal.com profile] cupidsbow: Very intelligent, articulate conversation.
Me: Uh...
[livejournal.com profile] cupidsbow: More intelligent, articulate conversation.
Me: Blah...la la la la la....
[livejournal.com profile] cupidsbow: So what kind of books do you like to read?
Me: Um...dodgy romances and Choose Your Own Adventure books?

Oh the shame and humiliation. At this point, I'm sweating buckets and hyperventilating - oh, thank God, we've just reached [livejournal.com profile] special_trille's house. Am very intimidated by [livejournal.com profile] cupidsbow. But fear not, I too was once intimidated by [livejournal.com profile] cricketk and Maia, and look-see, not afraid of them any more. One day, I will show [livejournal.com profile] cupidsbow the same disrespect I show them. Until then, I will continue to quiver in fear.

Fellowship was enjoyable, but like Angriest 2, not as good as TT. I suspect this is mainly because it was so late and I was tardy and there was so much food and after a big meal, I just want to sleep. The company was lovely though.

Sunday Night:

Went over to [livejournal.com profile] special_trille's to watch porn, but ended up writing a few instead. We went to have coffee and am afraid we tormented the poor waiter. Re-enactment No. 2:

[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: I'll have a cappucino thanks. And maybe a biscuit. No, a muffin. Do you have any blueberry muffins? Actually, just the cap.
Me: Me too. Oh, and a macaroon.
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Wait, no, I'll have a juice.
Me: That sounds good. Actually, you know what, I'll have a pot of tea. What kind do you have.
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: No, wait! This time, it's for keeps. I'll have an ice coffee.
Me: Oh, that sounds good. I'll have that as well. With ice cream. I definitely want the ice cream. Oh, and the macaroon.
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: I'll have ice cream in mine as well. No, wait. That's an extra 90c. I'll have mine without the ice cream.

A few minutes later, happily drinking our ice coffee.

Me: Blah blah blah...
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Jasmin, if you worked in a cafe and a customer asks for ice coffee without ice cream and then later decides that she wants ice cream after all, would you be pissed off?
Me: Do you want ice cream in your ice coffee?
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: What? Why do you ask?
Me:No reason.
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: So, would you get angry.
Me: Nope. If you want the scoop of ice cream, go get one.
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: You know what? I want the ice cream.
Me: You want me to ask?
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: No, that's fine. I'll do it.
Me:Hold on. I'll come with you. I want an extra scoop.
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: What? That's a lot.

Back at our table, ice cream in our drinks.

Me: I'm thirsty.
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Well, have your drink.
Me: There's too much ice cream. It's too sweet. I'm thirsty.
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: I'll go get you some water.

Returns with water

Me: It's hot. I need ice.
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: The sign says we can't have ice with tap water.
Me: There's an insect floating in my water.
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Shut up and drink your ice coffee.

At this point, our conversation ranges from toilet habits, bodily functions, sexual perversions, to my fear of Colin Farrell. I suspect the poor waiter was traumatised by us, but there's no real proof.

So back to [livejournal.com profile] special_trille's place to write our masterpieces.

I have only one thing to say: "Elijah's mouth was not relevent..."

LOL! Honestly, it was very amusing and you should ask her to post it. Unfortunately, after an hour of [livejournal.com profile] special_trille reciting it over and over again, I've practically got the whole thing memorised.

Monday Night:

Bowie is a GOD! If I wasn't in lust/love before, I am now. He is a consummate performer. Utterly brilliant, undeniably lick-worthy, and dear lord!

I only have five things to say about him: Gah! THUD! Squee! Sqidge! Ugh!

His performance was fantastic. I mean, I very much enjoyed the whole show, but half way through the concert, he sang Hallo Spaceboy, and my heart stopped. I couldn't breathe, it was that phenomenal. I turned to [livejournal.com profile] sarren to see whether or not it was just me or if it was affecting everyone. Let me tell you, she had her mouth hanging out, jaw to the ground, and was completely still. After the song ended, she turned and said: "I think I'm in love."

Yeah.

Personally, I think that was the show stopping number. I mean, China Girl, Changes, Man Who Sold the World, Heroes, Life on Mars, and Under Pressure were very well received, but Hallo Spaceboy was the one that got me.

Anyway, that was well worth all the money I spent (including 2 t-shirts).

Signing off...

BTW, this message is for [livejournal.com profile] special_trille and [livejournal.com profile] cricketk, who wanted to go to the concert, but couldn't afford it...

Nah nah nah nah nah! I got to see Bowie...and you didn't! [hysterical laughter and much gloating]
Saturday turned out to be quite an eventful day. Here, let me summarise:

4.50am: Awaken by much yelling as Brother No. 2 and girlfriend try sneaking off to Queensland. Let me re-enact the scene. Albeit in the Jasmin, highly exaggerated kind of way, but you get the picture.

Brother: Quick, let's go before they notice that we're in another state.
GF: Ok, but don't you think you should let your parents know?
B: Uh...no.

B & GF try to sneak off, but unfortunately their plans are foiled by mum's insomnia.

M: Where are you two going?
B: Uh, no where, just out.
M: Care to explain the suitcase?
B: Uh...(I know, he's very articulate, runs in the family)
M: What the hell? I'm going to call your father.

With the fuss mum is making, the rest of the household awakens.

D: What's this all about? Where are you going?
B: We have to leave now or we'll miss the plane.
M: Plane? What plane? There will be no planes. What are you talking about?
B: We're going to Queensland for a week.
M&D: ?!?!? *evil glares*
B: So, anyway, Happy New Year etc etc, we have to go now.
M&D: So, when were you planning to tell us that you're heading to the Gold Coast?
B: Ha ha ha... funny thing that. I'm telling you right now.
M&D: Did you think we'd not notice your absence? What if something happened to you?
B: Well, Jasmin would have told you. In fact, I used her credit card to buy our return tickets.
Me: ???

OK, so he told me about his trip a couple of weeks ago. I had assumed the parental units also knew about this. And I also knew that they had one way tickets to QLD, and were waiting for cheap return tickets. When he asked if he could borrow the credit card, I assumed it was just for him, not the both of them. It also never occurred to me that he'd use me as a shield while he and his gf made a run for it. Bastard.

8.30am: Desperately searching the house for some drugs, any drugs to help with my headache. Can still hear my mother lecturing me in my head. PTSD.

9.00am: Given up on the drugs. PU must have hid them from me as punishment. Fed and bonded with The Boo and cleaned his litter. For such a tiny kitty, The Boo can sure crap a lot. Did some washing and had a shower.

12.00pm: After doing the domestic thingy, decided to relax a little before meeting with [livejournal.com profile] haunted_attics at half two. No, not to be. Just after my shower, we are inundated with well wishers and what not. Happy New Year! So, here's the thing, New Year implies that this particular day signifies the beginning of a brand new year. One day. Like January 1st. But not Chinese New Year. Oh no. That's 3 whole days. I don't get it. What, if I don't feel like that the first day of CNY was to my liking, I can chose the my NY to begin on any of the other two days?

At any rate, guests arrive, and arrive, and arrive. Me, looking frantically at my clock. Must meet [livejournal.com profile] haunted_attics at 2.30pm. It's already 2.20pm. Happy New Year, Happy New Year, blessings to you, wish you health, wish you wealth, now fuck off, I'm running late. Smile prettily.

3.15pm: Arriving late as per usual after calling [livejournal.com profile] haunted_attics and swearing that I'd be there at 3pm instead. Lies, lies, all LIES. We head off straight away, and go got pick up [livejournal.com profile] special_trille from her Buffy Sing-Along-Song thing. We were making good time. It was only 3.40pm when we got there, so there was much poking fun of con/fannish people even though we also participate. But it was OK, because on *this* particular day, I wasn't, and therefore, am not a participater of cons or anything fannish. See how my illogical brain works?

Actually, they were very good and the singing was in tune and it was just our (read: my) petty jealousies. And maybe, the conversation lasted for about 30 seconds and consisted of "hey, they're pretty good," but I choose to believe that we spent an hour mocking them.

4.00pm: [livejournal.com profile] special_trille comes out of the panel and we did the after panel bonding, in which I was told by Gina that [livejournal.com profile] special_trille has gone manual again.

Oh! Oh! And Gossip of the Day: Do you remember when all that Simon/Grant RPS thing was going around? Apparently there were illustrations. Psssst, pass it on.

4.30pm: Oh crap, noticed the time, called [livejournal.com profile] cricketk to tell her we were running late.

4.50pm: Oops, still bonding. This time, we have to leave otherwise [livejournal.com profile] cricketk will kick our butts.

5.10pm: Four tubs of icecream and many tastings later, remembered that I forgot to tell James about the shindig. Crap. Call him up, invited him. Oops, I forgot the onions and sour cream. Called him up 2 seconds later to ask him to bring some, but he's in the shower and leave message with his mother. Oh, look-see! A minimart. Called him up to ixnay the spring onions and sour cream. Still in shower. Leave message with mother. Oops! We forgot the alcohol, where for art thou bottleshop? Call James again, still in shower. Please note that all this takes place in the span of a minute.

Me: Could you tell James to bring alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. We need alcohol.
James' mum: OK. I sense that you are a closet alcoholic. Jasmin, are you sure this is the last message? I really need to hang out the washing now, it's beginning to smell.

5.15pm: Arrive at [livejournal.com profile] cricketk's. Apologies and hugs around...and oh, lots and lots of other people. Well, OK, four others. Ooops, not enough icecream to go around. We planned on one tub per person. Damnit, now we have to share. *glare spitefully at other guests* Oh, hugs, lots of hugs. Suddenly, willing to share icream. Albeit reluctantly. Watched deleted scenes from PotC, went outside to cool down while the rest watched the movie and [livejournal.com profile] cricketk slaved away in the kitchen. Felt slightly guilty for being outside considering that this was my shindig and I invited myself over to [livejournal.com profile] cricketk's and expected her to feed us, then arrive over an hour late. So, after dinner, I washed up. Penance and all. After dinner, icecream was enjoyed by all.

8.30pm: Woo Hoo! Karaoke Queens. We rock, we sing brilliantly, we are fantastic! Bow to us and worship our musical genius! And then the music starts and uh-oh, we don't actually know this song, only the chorus. Amazingly enough, we knew everyone else's song. Just not our own. Table No.5! Yay! Our turn! La la la la la...mumble mumble mumble...complete silence...Oh! chorus!...sing loudly... This set the trend for the rest of the night.

Now, I love Karaoke, and I love Seoul. It's because it's the only Karaoke bar where there are only crap singers. Until tonight! Suddenly, many many people who can sing rock up. Table No.7...oooh, he was good! Bar's been raised. Table No.11...oh my god, he's fabulous. Bar's raised even higher! Table No.5...ok, that's lowered the bar so that even midgets can get over. PS, not a slight to midgets, as am one myself. Well, almost. Am exceedingly short. So much so that I think hobbits are tall. Anyway, tangent.

At any rate, much fun was had and we did go out with a bang. Finally, a song we knew and could screech sing to: Smells Like Teen Spirit. Thank you, Nirvana.

Oh, forgot to mention, [livejournal.com profile] special_trille met up with a school friend who actually got a job out of the course. He's a camera man. Not as impressed after I realised job was for the news and not some underground hard core porno ring. Pity. [livejournal.com profile] special_trille, after such a well received review of her magical performance (pretty much only from myself and [livejournal.com profile] haunted_attics, and seriously, we're easily amused), decided to take her act on the road. Or more specifically, to the table behind us.

She came back, tail between her leg...or possibly that could have been her vibrat...*ahem* clears throat*ahem*, and completely lost for words.

[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: I showed them my magic trick.
Me: So, how did it go?
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: They didn't like it.
Me: They didn't like it? How is it possible. Tell me all about it.
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: I showed them the trick. There was awkward pauses and complete silence followed by much mocking.
Me: There was mockage? *much laughter from me, very little empathy*
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Yes, very much mockage. Jasmin, go show them your trick.
Me: No.
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Go on.
Me: No.

This 'yes'/'no' thing goes on for about 5 minutes

[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Go on, please.
Me: No. People mock me enough.
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: So you're immune to the embarrassment and humiliation.
Me: Regardless, I will not go over there. You do it.
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: Fine.

[livejournal.com profile] special_trille walks over to the group, does my trick, comes back

Me: So, how did it go?
[livejournal.com profile] special_trille: I showed them the trick. There was awkward pauses and complete silence followed by much mocking.
Me: *much laughter from me, so much so I almost fall off my chair*

Signing off,

Me.
...alas, I am *not* witty. And I'm to lazy.

After forcing [livejournal.com profile] haunted_attics and [livejournal.com profile] special_trille to come over and do my homework for me, you would think I'd be all guilty and such, but no. I thank them dearly for helping me out. Although I did threaten them with more work, I am happy to say, that I went in to work yesterday and finished the bastard.

Now all I have to do is open all 5,000 files and do my stats. Yay!

Humiliation of the day: Belly Dancing Extravaganza and the Toilet of Evil.

Maia and I went to Gino's before and the show and ate so much that I was feeling sick. Then while we were waiting in line, Simmos was taunting me with their ice cream. What's a girl to do but get out of line and head off towards the ice cream. This move later turned out to be a bad decision as we didn't end up securing seats and had to spend the night glaring and mumbling curses at some stupid wench who stole my spot and made a complete fuss with her drinks, thus annoying me even further.

Anyway, belly dancing was very entertaining, except this one girl with a fabulous figure (if she was a model) but no meat on did her thing. While the top half of her was very good, I really could tell whether or not she was wiggling her belly (notice the technical term there? Wiggling...). Wil kindly pointed out that you could tell because the shimmery things on her costume was moving. She looked like an elegant vibrator.

All in all, the show was very entertaining and I enjoyed myself muchly. Then we went to this new place (can not recall the name) next to the ZanZi Bar and it was lovely and mellowed for a couple of hours. After they closed, we decided to head off.

Then things went down hill.

This is over sharing, but since [livejournal.com profile] special_trille posted about the vibrator thing, I say any topic is fair game.

I have an extraordinarily bad relationship with toilets. I may be one of the only few people who've had their toilets catch on fire. Since then, I've had issues with them.

So, on our walk back, my bladder kicked in. I have a notoriously bad bladder. Now you guys have seen me walk and it's funny, imagine what it's like seeing me walk while trying not to wet myself. After 5 minutes, I got desperate and the only toilet available was the brand new, funky, state of the art, technologically improved public toilet.

It took us 3 minutes to figure out how to get the damn door open. Then it took me another minute to close it. Now, while I appreciate that the toilet was clean and I could now relieve myself, for the life of me, it took me ages to get some toilet paper out. I kept pressing the button, but all I got was one sheet. I pressed the button again. Nothing. This goes on for a while, and still, nothing. One sheet of toilet paper, huh. No, no, that's fine. I've got my ration of *ONE SHEET*. Thank God I didn't need to go number two (I know, over-share). Relentlessly, I continued pressing the button and still, nothing. Luckily, I had serviettes in my bag. With that all taken care off, I looked around for a flush. There was none! Then I see this sign on the wall. It will automatically flush when you wash your hand.

So, I go to the sink. It's a sensory thing, so just put your hand near it and let it all happen. IN THEORY! The soap dispenser misses my hand so I had to go back for seconds. The water ran, the toilet flushed, the dryer went on and off...all at once...and in the background, I got some lovely mood music. I forgot to mention that. Burt Bacharach's "What the World Needs Now" started playing in the background the moment the door closed. So here am I, confronted with non stop Burt Bacharach music, running water, dryer going on and off, I start getting flashbacks of the stupid toilet catching on fire. I run to the door, frantically pushing buttons and trying to get out. It would not open!

Thank God there was a 10 minute limit. The Toilet of Evil eventually let me out.

I only have one thing more to say about this and then we'll pretend it never happened: some things, technology can improve, others, technology should NEVER be able to touch. Give me the old traditional flush-it-yourself, manual tap turning toilets any day.

And I've just noticed how long and stupid this post is.

Sorry people.
.